Jokes you might like

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over. The police officer who walked up to the car also happened to be a blonde. She asked for the blonde's driver's license.The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?'

Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"

The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license", then handed it to the blonde policewoman.

The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

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Ok, this one is a bit complicated so try to keep up :P

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation.

One of them kept complaining of family problems.

Finally, the other man said:
"You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation."

"A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter. We got married and got myself a stepdaughter. Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter, my step-mother. And my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law".

"Much later the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son. But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son. That made me the grand-father of my half-brother."

"This was nothing until my wife and I had a Baby. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the Grandmother. This makes my father, the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my OWN GRANDFATHER!"

"And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS!!!"

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After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same question, "When you're lying in your casket, and friends and family are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The first guy immediately responds, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the great doctors of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in the children of tomorrow." The last guy thinks for a moment, and then replies, "I guess I'd like to hear them say, 'Look, he's moving!'"

I never knew it was a bad thing

I just realized something about me... And it makes me look like an idiot or a doormatt.
I'm a people pleaser, I can never say no to anyone! Lidarajat inno I can get in trouble for it.
Marra, we had an English test w my friend didn't study so he asked to solve my paper -but not write my name- then we switch papers... I said yes!!!! then I thought "WTF... I just agree'd to do something so bad that if the teacher saw us he would give me a 0 on the test" I freaked out.
Then, when the test started...I was sweating...my heart pounding really hard...my hand started shaking, anyway I finished the test without writing my name, I looked at my friend and he looked at me...the class was silent. I nodded my head (doing that made me feel like i was a secret agent on a mission or sumthin' :P) he raised his hand. "what the hell are you doing????" I thought to myself. "Ostaz, momkin a36y nagadi malzama???" He said. The teacher said "ok".
so I reached my hand and took it ( i had a very weird look on my face cuz i didnt know what was going on, he looooled but the teacher didnt notice... thank god) almohim, When I put the malzama on the table I looked at him whispering "where is the paper??" he pointed at the malzama looking nervouse N' stuff cuz he didnt have a paper on his desk, so I feaked out and quickly grabbed my paper and gave it to him and the whole class saw me do that bas al7amdillah alOstaz ma shaf :D:D and finally we switched pens and I finished solving the other paper exactly when the bell rang!!

Anyway, I will never say yes to ANYONE anymore

LEAVE HIM

He's short, skinny, and weak. -Let's call him "that guy"-

A friend of mine told me about him, he said that "that guy" is living with his father and his mother and younger brother are living at his grandmother's because his parents are divorced.

Anyway, (I really felt sorry for him) his father always drinks in front of him!! ye6alli3 algaroora w yeshrab goddamoo!!!!yel3an aboo

AND AND he brings prostitutes home with him, w 3ady infront of his kid!!!!

He said that he can hear their voices while they're ****ing, Damn it he can hear the bitch moan and sigh!!!! so he would go to the car and cry his eyes out then he goes to his grandmother's -where his mother is- and when the "DAD" finishes he goes and gets his son from their.

There's no escaping him... miskeen :'''(