FALSE Love

Alot of people fall "in love" with people they don't even know, they just meet on the internet or talk over the phone but the don't really know each other, and that is not Love, it might be a crush or as some people call it "puppy love". You just think you love them only because you imagine them the way you want, you're making them the perfect way... your way.
You have the inexplainable emotions that you're dying to let out but it's too difficult.
I don't think those feelings will ever fade unless you see this person for who they really are.
If you don't see them then those feelings won't go away no matter how hard you try to let them out and move on... they won't go away.
I spend most of my time thinking about her and that really screwed me up. I write all these e-mails that I wish to send her, but I don't, because of the fear of rejection. I've been rejected many times in my life but I can't handle this one.
I want to get her out of my head but she's all I think about.
Maybe if I see her I'll know that I'm not "in Love" and the feelings would go away and I could finally move on (that's if things don't work out).
But for now I try not to think about her that much (haven'y had much luck), I cut myself hoping that the pain of not seeing your face or hearing your voice of feeling your skin would pour out of my arm, I need her to hold me.
THINK TWICW BEFORE YOU TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM

The one and only day has come
you'll pay for all the bad things you've done
Reckoning day is finally here
it's the day that you always feared
you look sad burning in flames
you had fun in your life but in the end
there are no more games
NO MORE GAMES

This is the ending of what you've begun
you don't remember what you've done wrong
no one knew about the people you killed
they didn't see the blood on your hands
no one knew about the graves you filled
they didn't see when you got mad

You did the trick
no one saw it coming
thought you were quick
HE will not be forgiving
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and they sent ME an email telling me that my blog cought thier attension

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I changed my email

Hey, it's been a long time since i last posted cuz my computer was getting fixed
Alot happened since my last post:
1. I got 88%
2.My grandmother passed away
3.I know now who my real friends are
4.Skipped a few days of school
and so on...

Anyway, I really don't have time for writing a new post cuz i have to be at al3aza
bye

I think I'm depressed

I mean I have most of the symptoms:

• Sadness and hopelessness. yes
• Irritability, anger or hostility. too much anger
• Tearfulness of frequent crying. not alot
• Withdrawal from friends and family. yes
• Loss of interest in activities. I do nothing but sleep, eat, watch TV and a little blogging
• Changes in eating and sleeping habits. I sleep for approximately 16 hours a day
• Restlessness and agitation. yes
• Feelings of worthlessness and guilt. yes
• Lack of enthusiasm and motivation. yes
• Fatigue or lack of energy. YES!!
• Difficulty concentrating. yes
• Thoughts of death or suicide. not ALL the time

I got this from a site, and while I was reading I found this...

Suicide warning signs in teenagers:

• Talking or joking about committing suicide.
• Saying things like, “I’d be better off dead,” “I wish I could disappear forever,” or “There’s no way out.”
• Speaking positively about death or romanticizing dying (“If I died, people might love me more”).
• Writing stories and poems about death, dying, or suicide.
• Engaging in reckless behavior or having a lot of accidents resulting in injury.
• Giving away prized possessions.
• Saying goodbye to friends and family as if for good.
• Seeking out weapons, pills, or other ways to kill themselves.

: I know, I so ALL of them but I didn't think it was that serious

Angry Again

Yup, he finally cracked... he threatend to beat me with a hanger, and throw me out on the street
Here you go "dad"... great job raising a freak
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I hate everything about you
Why am I living with you?
I thought I was dirt
Wanted to be something
I know now that I'm forever dirt
I am a nobody
When I'm dead, you'll know just who I am
I have to get out
But it's a long hard road out of hell
Oh god...
GOD I'm so scared I'm all alone now
Everything about me is wrong
I must be sick I don't belong
Just labeled mentally deranged
LEAVE ME BE
This is who I am
So just leave me alone
No more can you keep me in
Listen f***er, I will win